The anti-secret

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Det är först på senare tid som jag börjat följa Reddit. Tidigare har jag bara avfärdat det som ett stökigt forum där allt i bästa fall urartar till memer. Men efter att ha läst ett urval av Reddits populäraste inlägg i iPad-appen Flipboard så har jag insett att det faktiskt finns en hel del underhållande eller informativa trådar att följa.

Den mest intressanta jag följt måste vara tisdagens tråd What’s your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out?. Visst det har en del innehåll som är uppenbart påhittade och/eller enbart äcklande men det finns en mängd skrämmande, sorgliga och tankeväckande berättelser. Mängden berättelser om att bli utsatt för övergrepp (eller utsätta andra för övergrepp) för tankarna till förra årets #prataomdet. Många är de med tankar om självmord.

Svaren till de kommentarerna är många väldigt stödjande eller uppmuntrande och med exempel på hur de själva kommit över liknande problem.

Det som kommer närmast mina känslor är förstås problem som på olika sätt liknar de jag känner igen i mig själv.

I’m eventually going to kill myself. I don’t know when, but I’m pretty sure that’s where life is taking me. I’ve never kissed a girl and I’m approaching 30, I have panic attacks in social situations, therapy seems to only make me feel worse, and I’ve decided that living so that others don’t have to deal with my death isn’t worth it anymore.

(sign. “trashitagain”, Länk)

I don’t like being touched or hugged, and I’m incredibly uncomfortable with intimacy in general. […] I also can’t believe that a girl may have feelings for me. Even when they explicitly tell me they have feelings for me I can’t help but feel like they’re trying to trick me. It’s caused a lot of insecurity, and I can’t get ‘attached’ to people easily. I’m terribly afraid to text, or message people first because I’m convinced I would be annoying them. What’s worse is that when I think about it, I know it probably isn’t true; but I can’t help but feel like it is.

(sign. “Throwdisoffabridge”, Länk)

I had a huge crush on a girl for about 2 years, but was always too shy to say anything. […] When I was 15, I got a Myspace message from her telling me that she was in love with me. […] We spent the entire night talking about how much we loved about each other and how excited we were to finally be able to tell each other in person. We were teenagers, so we put in every ounce of our hearts and souls into it. It was by far the happiest moment of my life. The next day, I found out that it wasn’t actually her. It was one of her friends who made the entire profile and who spent the whole night talking to me. She showed the girl I liked everything I said. She stopped talking with me entirely. She put in every effort to be as far away from me as possible. When I would try to talk to her, to apologize and tell her I just wanted the friendship back, she would turn and hurry away. […] I can’t initiate conversations with people, either. I can’t remember the last time I sent someone a text message first. I can’t remember the last time I wished anyone happy birthday, unless someone I’m with says it first.

(sign. “ThrowThrowThroUrBoat”, Länk)